25 February 2009



The past several days have been peppered with some not-so-good things happening. I am weak because I let them get me down. I tend to think it's a little ok, because I can feel that I'm at least getting better. A bit. --AND-- I kind of think that's what life is about. Because the trick in life is to train ourselves to control our happiness, even when bad things happen.

To name a few (but not too many - or I will foil my plan to focus on the positive!) :

Within the past fortnight, the system on my iPod (that I use like a flash drive) magically and spontaneously corrupted, leaving all my school and design files impossible to retrieve, though I know they're there! Then a little more magic in Moab -- a 'now-you-see-it-now-you-don't' phenomenon: our camera, and all the million pictures on its memory card, did not come back with us. And I cannot fathom how it disappeared. My emotions and/or hormones have also taken me through a psychedelic magical ride through understanding unconditional love. Not to mention feeling like a failure in school. And through it all, disappointed that I could not let my great gratitude stop any tears.

Or maybe I did. I was grateful to have started the week reading Mere's blog, who included a quote I loved (I read it to Ben and he was all like, "I've heard that before", so maybe it's nothing new to you, but it means a lot to me, so up it goes):

He said there is a trick. It's too bad there has to be so much magic involved, but I'm determined to figure out all this magic so I can be happy. I've still had some beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed this past week, so I can't complain. If I could, I would show you the views we saw in Moab, or the fun we had at Pizzeria 712 with high school chums, or Ben's floral arrangement I mentioned before.

But I'm still aiming to be happier if the putt doesn't drop (when do I ever go golfing?) or if the beef is tough (not that I'm ever really picky about that anyway).

*Oh, and if anyone happens to have some old digital camera they don't use any more and would like to sell for moneys, let us know!


made sweet said...

olivia you are a doll! this was a great post to read before i turned in for the night. :) thanks for the thoughts.

Kurt Knudsen said...

So sorry about all your techno-items blowing up or being left behind.
Right across the street from us is Techno-Mart, 10 floors of techno-stuff. I'm sure we could find you a cool camera to replace your old one.
Come on over to Korea, the most "wired" country in the world!

Ann said...

Sorry about all your mishaps.

Amie said...

Don't be so hard on yourself girl! I think you handled it all beautifully (tears are okay in life!). You don't have to be perfect tomorrow, just working on it. And, for the record, I think you're pretty darn close to the goal.

p.s. We have an old digital camera that you could use for free if I can get it back from Katie. They got a new one for Christmas and don't need it anymore. I'll let you know! :)

olivia said...

! ! !

? ? ?

REALLY AMIE? That would be perfect! Keep me updated. . .

Julianne said...

ooo... that's a bad combination. so sorry. love the quote...I'm going to have to try that "trick" more often.

Laura Tait said...

Hey Olivia, very nice post. When bad things happen to me, and I feel like I want to just curl up in a ball and hide, this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland usually helps me. It is from a 1980 devotional address called For Times of Trouble. It helps me remember to try not to despair in times of trouble!!

"I wish to speak today of a problem that is universal and that can, at any given hour, strike anywhere on campus--faculty, staff, administration, and especially students. I believe it is a form of evil. At least I know it can have damaging effects that block our growth, dampen our spirit, diminish our hope, and leave us vulnerable to other more conspicuous evils. I address it here this morning because I know of nothing Satan uses quite so cunningly or cleverly in his work on a young man or woman in your present circumstances. I speak of doubt--especially self-doubt--of discouragement, and of despair.

In doing so, however, I wish at the outset to make a distinction F. Scott Fitzgerald once made, that "trouble has no necessary connection with discouragement--discouragement has a germ of its own, as different from trouble as arthritis is different from a stiff joint" (The Crack-Up, 1945). Troubles we all have, but the "germ" of discouragement, to use Fitzgerald's word, is not in the trouble, it is in us. Or to be more precise, I believe it is in Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies. And he would have it be in us. It's frequently a small germ, hardly worth going to the Health Center for, but it will work and it will grow and it will spread. In fact it can become almost a habit, a way of living and thinking, and there the greatest damage is done. Then it takes an increasingly severe toll on our spirit, for it erodes the deepest religious commitments we can make--those of faith, and hope, and charity. We turn inward and look downward, and these greatest of Christlike virtues are damaged or at very least impaired. We become unhappy and soon make others unhappy, and before long Lucifer laughs."

Meredith said...

I'm sorry about your camera...i hate losing stuff like that...maybe they have a lost and found at the places you went???

As for the stress...you can do it! You are working on so many cool things right now and knowing you they will all turn out wonderfully! And if you don't feel like they are wonderful when you're done with them you can try a TRICK my dad likes to remind me of: "Done is beautiful."

P.S. - it was fun to see you yesterday...i always love your company!

Anonymous said...

Oh Olivia! Thank you for your thoughts and inspiration. Much needed :) :)

Jenna said...

That is just so tragic! Losing all of those picture (pictures are one of my most prized items) AND all of your masterpieces/art. Something good must be right around the corner - keep hanging tough

olivia said...

laura! thanks so much for sharing that. i think that's on that we got from adrian, right? it's such a good one... i'd never have guessed that 'discouragement was a germ of its own' apart from trouble. we link them together a lot!

thanks ALL for your encouragement...
sorry to inflict such sympathy. i am doing ok...

Sue said...

I love that quote by President Hinckley - in fact, I had it framed in my house for the longest time. It has kept me going on many a bad day. Hang in there - I agree with Amie. You are doing great and just go ahead and cry those tears. I happen to believe that it helps so much to just get it out now and then. Love you.

Cherie said...

1. WOW, you posted this a week ago and i just NOW saw it... sad!(good thing we've actually talked about the mishaps, tears, etc).
2. Sue framed that excellent quote for me! It then hung in the front sala for a long time - maybe it was during your dorm and 'annex' years. But now that the walls are repainted, we need to stick it back up!! It's a keeper.
3. The KODAK has hung from the baker's rack all week untouched! Grab it and click away, mija - for the next month anyway, until Cal takes it to the "FULL OCEAN" (as i called it back on 9/11/80 when i entered).
4. ¡Hormonal roller coasters! WHAT were we thinking when we signed on for this mortal experience?
5. Tell Ben i want him to 'show & tell' his new markers - what kind did he choose?
6. Holland's quote is wonderful- Silly super-sized struggle for me & you- feeling overwhelmed and discouraged! (Especially during Feb in UT, for me, every year!). But his quote backs up the jugular from my P Blessing- "...dear sister, you should never become discouraged for that is not of the Lord. He will hear your prayers, and He will answer them"!
(the ole, "Who stands to gain from our feeling discouraged?")
7. TQM